Flash Fiction: Broken Forward

I was just 6 when my mother first told me I was to forgive seventy times seven,  my little mind could not capture the verity of what she said.  I couldn't understand why I had to forgive my little brother everytime he broke my toys,  it made no sense to me because he never stopped breaking them. Who knew some years down the line, I would come to understand that forgiveness weighed more than broken toys and scarred hearts.  When I was 10, I watched the very life slip out of my dad.  He had been on his sick bed for 3 months but I wasn't prepared for the change that took over my life after his demise.  We had to move from our beautiful big house to a place where the door barely closed without creaking, I watched my mother go from healthy to fragile as the days went by.  Imagine my happiness when she came home one day with the good news that she was in love, at that moment I felt the mixture of both joy and sadness.

On my 16th birthday we moved into  new home with a new family and a new story.  I had dreams... big dreams. I wanted to become the first female neurosurgeon in the country,  but those dreams were parked into the box the night my step dad took away my innocence. I packed up my bags the next morning never to look back,  I walked aimlessly on the streets with the feeling of worthlessness and before I knew it the moving car knocked me off my feet.  I was in coma for 6 months only to wake up without my limbs. At that moment my ability to forgive grew wings and flew away. I hated my mother for bringing me into this unfair world, I couldn't forgive my step dad for stealing my life from me.  I suffered in silence and pain.  I kept hurting,  unforgiveness drilled a big hole in my heart until I could feel no emotions.  It was like a cancer to my bones, instead of getting better my health took a turn for the worse.  I joggled between depression and aggression until I couldn't take it anymore.

On this fateful day when unforgiveness was about to drive me to oblivion,  I met this vibrant young girl in the same hospital  struggling with lukemia. She walked into my room and gave me a note,  she said it was a farewell gift.  It read ' Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you'.  It was at this point that it dawned on me, that forgiveness was for Christ's sake.  If I wanted to forgive I can only look at him in the light of Christ.  That was exactly what God did for me.  Then the echo of my mum's voice came alive,  I now understood that seventy times seven meant looking beyond me and my feelings.  It meant I had to forgive ahead of any offense.  It meant breaking the barriers of hurt and hatred.  I  came alive at this point.  I  was determined to forgive not for my step dad's sake neither for my mum's sake but for Christ's sake who thought it great to lay down his life for them and me.

Now I am 20, I have mastered the art of forgiveness because I have mastered the heart of love. It took me twenty years to know that love gives ahead.  This brought me to my life's equation for love  'For(e) + Give=Love' . In the end, I learned that forgiveness is not about the other person; it is about me. Instead of feeling like a victim or blaming people , I chose to look inward and ask myself what the situation was trying to teach me.

Now I am actually living because I chose to forgive than to wallow in regret and uncertainty.  Did it bring my limbs back,  did I become the first female  neurosurgeon? Apparently not,  but forgiveness was a catalyst for a fresh new start. It opened me up for a new beginning. A beautiful beginning where I wasn't trying to drive forward looking at the rear view mirror.